Suara Hati Ayahku

Salam.

Soon atuk will be old just like other atuks around us ...

Here I write what I dream of:

(i)  good health; good wife (wives)  .. if they think well of me ..surely I will think well of them 2+ 3 = 3+2, right?  if
they treat me like king / i will treat them like princess(es) of Gunung Tebu (Besut) - laugh
(ii) independent/  i would visit you once in a while my grand child but 99.9 % I want to be alone with my books, kitabs, pills and computers/  travel all over the world in dakwah fi islam / jamaah tabligh / insya allah
(iii)  be happy with my cucu, cicit and cuit// play soccer with them.  I will be the goalie. ok cu between the goal post?  shoot harder my cucu .. shoot !
(iv)  i have my own money.  I think RM50 - RM100 per day in Pasir Puteh, Kelantan will do Though ..insyallah that suffice - everyday nasi kerabu hitam, telur masin, ulam , jeruk bawang putih, .. hot coffee and lots of smile (minus the teeth ..imagine that my Cucu?)
(v)  i die quietly and most importantly ..  my children will accept that day .. where they are going to be happy with me and most importantly  our Lord Allah is happy with me too.  That day will surely come my child.
(vi)  others won't see any   difference between my presence among them once  and my sudden departure

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What I am afraid of:

(i)  need somebody to bring me to the toilet /  oh NO..never please/  I hate to see my cucu holding an empty mineral bottle  .. while my urine with blood coming out through my sick bladder into the bottle / dripping urine + blood ...  O Lord .. plz don't.
(ii)  eating alone  out side the dining hall of any of my successful children's home while the wind sweeping pass my poor old face
(iii)  dying at a state  when I suddenly forgetting  Allah due to my many goats, cows, grand sons, grand daughters, too much rambutan kuning, durians, duku and langsat; at a time of extreme pleasure and comfort
(iv)  people close to me treating this old man  like  dirt

Ya Allah , let them treat me well as well as I had treated them when they were once so  small and helpless.  that old time  .. their well being was my utmost priority.  I slept poorly sometimes ..  underneath  their swing made up of my old kain and what ever I can find ..   I never demand any returns .. I did that from my sheer love upon thee .. sometimes my maths books went  wet because of  you my child ... 

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thats' all for tonight my cucu .  Tomorrow my birthday.  Bring along some sunkist oranges, grapes, Sheek Kebab and Magnolia ice cream.. you know what I love .. he..he..  I will write more on each of the above points one fine day cucu.  God Willing.  take care .. you.

Wa llah hu aklam